FR – (non-sexual) Finding an Apartment

It’s true what they say about doing systematic cold approach pick up.  It really will trickle out into other areas completely unrelated to girls.

I needed to move out of my apartment by the end of the month, so I started looking for a room on craigslist.  There are some broad similarities to seduction here.  I’m coming over to check out a place, but really I’m trying to win over my potential new roommates.  The key similarity is that I am definitely one of many.  Probably dozens of other people coming by to meet these 3 guys.

I have about 15 minutes to pour my personality out as best as I can, and convince them to like me.  After meeting my 3 potential new roommates, within about 10 minutes one of them texted me:  “Good news, the guys love you!  When can you move in?”

I didn’t consciously employ any ‘tactics’, which I also don’t do when I approach girls.  But it’s undeniable that I didn’t use to have this ability to charm people.  I made it a point to personally connect, in some way, with each one of them.  I joked about how one of them was playing video games, another one had pseudo-Hebrew writing on his shirt.  The third has just come back from doing laundry, looking out of breath.

“I can see you were washing your cinder blocks”, I tell him, as he’s laying down his laundry hamper.

I suspect that my key strength is my ability to act as a leader, without dominating others.  I initiated all of the conversation threads:

“Do you want to know anything about me?”

“What do you do for fun?”

In BDSM, the word ‘controlling’ is contrasted with the word ‘dominant’.  Controlling refers to someone that needs to boss people around.  A dominant man however, doesn’t need it all.  And when he does act like a leader, it’s not for his own pleasure or amusement, but rather for the benefit of those he is leading.  He puts others at ease, he takes risks that others are afraid to take.  He comes right out and remarks on awkward matters that most people just shy away from.  After being in the presence of a dominant man, you feel warm, and cared for.  Like a sweet loving father.

The guys were cool, intelligent grad students living in the Boston area hipster epicenter of Somerville.  But they were all shy.

I relish in taking every opportunity I get to transform boring, lifeless, professional interactions into something more.  Just looking at the bedrooms and discussing living logistics doesn’t cut it for me.

One of them had said in response to “What do you do for fun?” that he just broke up with his girlfriend.

“Funny how you bring that when asked about ‘fun'”, I told him.  Actually it’s sad, and I immediately told him I was joking.  He more or less indicated that he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that she is not around.  “I’ll take you out dancing”, I told him.  His eyes widened when I said this.  Though he would probably never admit it, he yearned for someone like me.

It says a lot about us, what we actually end up doing once fear is overcome.  Some people show their true selves when drunk.  Some are ‘happy drunks’, others become mean and nasty.  My favorite thing to do with my courage is make others happy.  Show them I care and then I want to be friends, for no reason at all.  This is so rare these days, and many appreciate me for this.

I suppose because approaching girls is the most difficult and scary of all social actions, overcoming that fear through persistent exposure, has made me fearless in all other aspects of socializing.  Though I’m not a douchey narcissist with my hyper-sociability, like some people tend to be.  I strive, and succeed at emitting hardly anything besides love and companionship.

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